Unwillingly thoughtful

I really don't want to write the things I'm about to write down, because it will make them tangible and real instead of just 'how I felt at one point in time for a few moments.'

I honestly feel that Billy Hathaway and I will remain a part of each other's lives forever.
I don't want to be with him
ESPECIALLY if he becomes a musician (there will be no loyalty there)
But I just continue to feel like I'm either
a) gonna end up with him,
or b) he's just gonna be there always.

And Randy Yard came into my work today, and my heart could not stop pounding..
Just seeing his smile made me so happy and I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the night at work.
I don't know if it's just the fact that I think he's GORGEOUS,
or the fact that I'm just so fond of the guy...
But god damn I just adore him to no end.


Oh. I secretly wish I were single.
Like, I really do love Trav, a whole lot. But I just KNOW he's not the one, you know?
Faryn says that I shouldn't even be with him, and a lot of people say that..
But I don't know.. I feel like I NEED to be.
If we are only meant to be together for so long then so be it.
But I feel like I'm gonna be the girl to save his trust in humanity.