Bad News

I really, truly hate writing down realizations I come across (if they're unfortunate ones) because once you put them onto paper, or type them out, it becomes tangible... it becomes real and true. It's something you can be blamed for saying or writing, you can't be blamed for thinking many things so simply thinking something avoids that entire conflict. But..

I think Travis and I fight so much not because I want to..

But I think I resent this relationship.

I am lonely. Have no friends (besides Miss Faryn and I thank my lucky stars for her everyday!) because I have stopped hanging out with all of them since meeting Travis. And I can't drink or smoke or go places(raves!) or hang out with friends- all of these things I love to do... I can't and don't do anymore because of Travis.

In Psychologist speak, 'I'm "acting out" because I feel repressed by Travis and his unwillingness to do anything social.'

Wow. This sucks.

I do love him.
But what am I supposed to do?

Tell him and suffer the wrath of Travis?
Tell him, end it, and hope he sticks around?
Tell him, end it, and watch him not let this go/not take it seriously?

Or don't tell him, don't end it, and keep fighting day after day.

I don't know what's worse.


Good news! I figured out what's wrong.
Bad news! I have to make a big decision.