Last night I hung out with Felizia and we made cinnamon rolls and watched half of hairspray before a series of nerve-wrecking incidents occurred. I started getting down about Billy not calling me after work like he said he would and that he was at a bonfire instead. When Felizia started seeing me get down she just looked at me and was like 'Don't let Billy get you down. He's not worth it.' And inside my head.. I know this. I KNOW he nor anything he does, is worth getting upset over.. but my heart still gets hurt every time he doesn't call me when he says he does, or when I find out things he didn't (and won't plan on) telling me. I can't help it- it's because I love him.
However, I don't feel that I'm in love with him any longer. I'm just not. If you asked me 'Does Billy love you?' I honestly wouldn't know how to answer that question; this pushes me away. I am not sure if I really want to be with someone who obviously (judging by his actions) doesn't appreciate me or really doesn't care about what we are as a couple.. I want someone who cares! I want someone who is there for me, someone who does things for me just because they want to, I want someone to take care of me for once, instead of it always being the other way around. I mean, hello I basically cater to Billy's every waking need. I drive him places, buy him food, take care of him, carry his books when he doesn't feel well (PLUS my own!) and I help him do his homework and help him with whatever he needs. And he doesn't care.
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