Monday, June 30, 2008

Enola




I have never felt so completely alone in my life.

This feeling is crushing me.
Eating me up, swallowing me whole.

No one will answer to my subtle cries of despair.
I don't want to seem desperate...
But I am desperate for their compassion.

I just want to feel like people enjoy me
and wantto be around me,
and be there for me.

The good, the bad, and the sickly.

My motor is running on four and a half hours of sleep.
And I cannot sleep.
My tonsils feel like they're steadily inflating inside my throat,
Crushing the ability to swallow, laugh, or speak.
Like cutting me off from all verbal communication.

So. There are three guys I am currently talking to:

1) Greens aka Sweettalker aka Billy Gene:
I spent a good hour of the night whispering on the phone
to a guy I made out with at the Electric Daisy Carnival,
dubbed 'Greens' aka Billy Gene.
He says he falls fast and hard, like a brick off a building.
And I believe him: he already wants to come down here
and give me money to get there and back just to spend time with me.
He's had a pretty fascinating life so far.. he told me just about all of it tonight
while I was helping him down from his high.


2) Dimitri aka the Greek God:
I met this smooth operator at work one day. He walked in and my jaw almost hit the floor!
This boy is fiiiiiine. I had to talk to him, help him, do something!
So I did, I helped him for a solid fifteen minutes,
which is a relatively long time to handle one customer's needs..
When Claudia started yelling for me which her squeaky voice,
he asked "Does she need you? Cause I can wait.."
and I shook my head and said, "No, you're a customer. I've got to help you."
So he smiled, and said "Oh. So does that mean that if
I asked foryour number... you'd have to give it to me?"
I was shocked!
This gorgeous guy I'd been helping for the past 15 mins
actually asked for my number?!
So I gave it to him and since we've been on one date.
And all I can think about is his hot body, gorgeous eyes, sense of humor....
and his favorite book. THE OUTSIDERS. <3
Oh, note to self: potential lack of self-esteem with this one?
Everytime I compliment him, he can't take it. Note.

And last, but definitely not least...

3) Matty G. aka Pac Matt:
This boy and I hit it off fromt he start. I had heard that PacSun had hired two new people,
and when Fred introduced me to Matt
he seemed like the all American Beach Boy.
Shaggy brown hair, an awesome tan, and an AMAZING smile.
What's more? I GOT TO TRAIN THIS STUDMUFFIN!
So we hit it off, same sense of humor, same jokes.
And we had worked together only three times after,
and he asked for my number.
He took me out to dinner, and I really had the best date ever.
A real southern gentleman. :] And to thank him for it I gave him
the best head of his life. ;D Awww and he's kind of a virgin!
I mean he could get any girl he wants but
he's only had a couple of gfs and both cheated on him.
Sadly, I'm trying not to get too attatched because
he's leaving in August to go back to school in TN....
but Rocki says he thinks I'm amazing.
I mean, he's told me this too... but c'mon me? Amazing?
Idk... and now lately he never seems to want to talk
or hang out or anything... I don't know why
because he was infatuated with me for a good week or so...
Oh well. We'll see what happens. :]

I've got a minor case of tonsillitis so I'm going back to bed.

...this is the longest blog I've had for awhile.


Oh. PS to self. EDC WAS THE SHIT!!