Long time no see! (Part 1)

It's been awhile.. far too long, actually.
And so, this entry will be far too long.

So much has changed.. I've missed you a lot.
I'm sorry I haven't written. For awhile, things were okay, great even!
But I'm beginning to need you again.
Sorry I'm such a boomerang; I fly off into the distance for awhile, then come back later on when I need you to break my fall.

So.. it's been a couple years I think.
RECAP!

I dumped Travis after meeting this guy on Plurlife.
His name is Brian Rule.
He's my "wrong place, wrong time, possibly right guy" guy.
orrrr he might be gay. Not sure about that one..
Anywho. I met him online on this site called Plurlife (it's like myspace for ravers). He randomly IMed me one day and we really hit it off.. he was stationed in Iraq at the time.
Oh gosh, we're practically the same people! His taste in EDM music fed my hungry soul. On par with every song, even some rock music too. Our mannerisms were the same a lot of the time- we were both outgoing too, so we fed off of each other. We fell fast, but I think only because he was in Iraq though. Don't get me wrong: I really think he loved me and I him.. but it was pretty short lived after he got back.
We talked on the phone every single day for two months (at least).. he would call me from Iraq. That ALONE is adorably sweet because of how much trouble it is to call someone from Iraq. We also wrote each other emails and IMed when we could. We even had PHONE SEX when I was drunk one night. Yeeeaahh, talk about intimate conversations. I definitely fell for this one.
He came and saw me the night he got back from Iraq. It was like a movie: he called me and told me he was outside.. so I hurried out, half running to meet him. We embraced, all smiles and soft laughter solely out of disbelief. Then we kissed, perfectly, gently but yearning. And as we pulled away, he smiled and put his hand on my face and just looked at me with the face I had seen only pictures of and in my dreams.. and he whispered "It's real.. this is all real." It was really something else, something else entirely.. Then we went into my room and had hot passionate sex. Hey, we'd been waiting for it for over two months! There was no way I was going to hold back. ;D
Long story short, once Brian came back from Iraq it was (what I considered at the time) a long distance relationship since he lived in Long Beach. He came down almost every weekend though, and we went to raves. It was fun, we were both outgoing and got along well. But he just got too busy.. and as time went on we hardly talked during the week. I felt like I wasn't even part of his life anymore, and for the two months after he was back, he didn't tell anyone about us dating (that REALLY got to me). And, truth be told, I met CJ at one of those raves and kind of started liking him. I feel bad about it now, I really kind of disregarded Brian after CJ started paying more attention to me. I ditched Brian at Monster Massive to hang out with CJ.. I don't know why but I did. He ended up going to the hospital that night.. he was fine but he was really upset cause he knew. And I still feel bad for that.. I honestly don't think I will forgive myself for leaving him like that.
So I ended things with Brian, saying the distance and lack of communication just wasn't working. It wasn't, especially when someone else was giving me more attention. I don't blame this on Brian at all.. I loved him, and he said I was the first he'd ever said 'I love you' to, and I believe him. We became really close and I still think we're kind of close despite not talking as much.. we both connected on a deep level that's hard to find and I don't think we'll ever forget that. Or what we had. He knew almost everything about me, and I him. He was mature, understanding, loving.. I think I took it for granted.
Seems like he's calmed down a lot.. focused on doing well in school but still parties from time to time. I will always hold him dear.. Brian and I had SO many good times in such a short time. For the most part a lot of it was blissful. We even had our after-rave ritual of sushi and beer.. we both still remember it. We took birthday shots for Mat Zo.. online together. We rolled together in the Best Western hotel in Palm Desert, listened to music and walked around. And WOW he just texted me, "Damnit Laura! I was going to say something to you before I logged off but I can't remember lol" How eerie is that?!
Well I think that's all for tonight.. I may update tomorrow but I'm pretty tired from walking down memory lane.

I love you Blogger, thanks for listening. ♥

What's yours is... yours.

After so many relationships,
a few guys I've (only) dated,
and a lot of crushes,

I've just cognitively realized that

Your songs are still yours.

untitled

words are nothing but hollow
stars are just distant fires
those who may lead may never follow
magic is illusions and wires

questions may never have answers
dreams may not come true
those who don't walk, may never be dancers
and knowledge can be disproved

sometimes nothing seems certain,
eternal, essential, or real
but what is completely and utterly all of that
is the love you make me feel