Don't stop believing.
I won't if you won't.
Good. <3
Friday, November 14, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Dear Travis.
You keep constant tabs on me.
You don't believe me when I tell you things.
You constantly question me.
You continuously doubt me.
You talk in a really disrespectful tone to me.
Look. Being with me is a privilege, not a right.
There is a fine line between me caring and me just not giving a shit anymore. You deal with things by flaring your temper. I deal with things by shutting down. I shut down when I'm put under great emotional stress for long or consistent periods of time. It's like going numb- the things you say and do will no longer get under my skin. Sounds pretty good, right? Wrong. With that thicker skin also comes my low tolerance for bullshit, and the quicker I will be to walk away from such things and/or people. Also, I become far less emotional as a whole; happy, sad, mad, you name it. A lot of those emotions I usually display freely instead just dissolve into that same comfortable silence I'll have due to the numbness.
You said you'd be happy to be the one I marry and am with forever. You said I mean more to you than anything in this world. I never want to read these things coming across in a text message ever again until you say this shit in person. Because honestly? I think you pull that stuff out when you're hitting the point of desperation- when you don't know what to say to make something better or just to make it go away.
You wanna say stuff like that? Then prove it to me: Don't ever talk disrespectfully to me again. Show a little more compassion. Don't keep constant tabs on me- you're worse than my parents ever were. Learn to trust me. Learn to be open with me. I'll help you if you want to try- that's why I'm here.
I understand you have trust issues. I understand you get depressed. I understand you don't have anyone else. I understand you 'just like to know what's going on.' I understand you think everyone's out to get you. I understand, I understand, I understand. Trust me, if I wasn't so understanding of all these things I would NOT be with you. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
I'm not a slut. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a liar. I'm not a bad person.
This stuff you should already know, but for some goddamn reason it's not getting across.
I don't know what else there is to say.
You don't believe me when I tell you things.
You constantly question me.
You continuously doubt me.
You talk in a really disrespectful tone to me.
Look. Being with me is a privilege, not a right.
There is a fine line between me caring and me just not giving a shit anymore. You deal with things by flaring your temper. I deal with things by shutting down. I shut down when I'm put under great emotional stress for long or consistent periods of time. It's like going numb- the things you say and do will no longer get under my skin. Sounds pretty good, right? Wrong. With that thicker skin also comes my low tolerance for bullshit, and the quicker I will be to walk away from such things and/or people. Also, I become far less emotional as a whole; happy, sad, mad, you name it. A lot of those emotions I usually display freely instead just dissolve into that same comfortable silence I'll have due to the numbness.
You said you'd be happy to be the one I marry and am with forever. You said I mean more to you than anything in this world. I never want to read these things coming across in a text message ever again until you say this shit in person. Because honestly? I think you pull that stuff out when you're hitting the point of desperation- when you don't know what to say to make something better or just to make it go away.
You wanna say stuff like that? Then prove it to me: Don't ever talk disrespectfully to me again. Show a little more compassion. Don't keep constant tabs on me- you're worse than my parents ever were. Learn to trust me. Learn to be open with me. I'll help you if you want to try- that's why I'm here.
I understand you have trust issues. I understand you get depressed. I understand you don't have anyone else. I understand you 'just like to know what's going on.' I understand you think everyone's out to get you. I understand, I understand, I understand. Trust me, if I wasn't so understanding of all these things I would NOT be with you. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
I'm not a slut. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a liar. I'm not a bad person.
This stuff you should already know, but for some goddamn reason it's not getting across.
I don't know what else there is to say.
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