What I want:
-a REAL best friend.
-more friends.
-a couple cute dresses.
-a couple CDs.
-to be friends with denielle again.
-to have girls' night outings.
-to have guys friends that DON'T have a crush on me.
-to have adventures.
-to make more money.
-to be appreciated.
-to go dancing!
-to learn to sing or play the guitar/piano.
-to get fit.
probably more to come. :)
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Set Up For A Letdown
Hah. So Billy came over tonight. We talked, had leftover pizza, discussed work and his stressing over selling his tickets.
The story:
Billy signed a contract for his band saying that they had to sell 60 tickets ($12 each, $720 total) or they couldn't play at the The Dreaming's CD Release party. Austin (guitarist) calls the Whiskey A Go Go and tells them it's too had to sell tickets. BAD IDEA! They told him that either you sell them or you owe them the money and they could take Billy to court. Hmmm. So Billy got furious because no one except him has ever had to sell tickets and that if his bandmates/friends didn't pull through for him this once, he wouldn't be their friends anymore. "Fuck them! I won't take this shit, I won't let them walk all over me anymore." he said, and for once... I thought I saw him standing his ground.
I was happy to hear him stand his ground. I mean, he's NEVER stood his ground with Robby. Ever. Like seriously, he's a real pushover to this jerk. And I don't see why. So this time it actually seemed like he would and I was happy for him (I mean it was about time!).
But tonight he missed a call from Robby and called him back, I was fine with it- I thought it would be a short convo since Billy was apparently "mad" at him. But no. Half an hour later goes by and I'm sitting there freezing my ass off in his car, listening to Robby spoon-feed Billy all flavors of bullshit. THEN he asks Billy if he's going to Winter Ball (for PD, mind you. And he had told me he wasn't going and didn't care about it) .....and he says 'Yeah.'
Hahaha. Wow. This kind of irritated me cause we'd talked about it and I guess I got the idea he wasn't going to go. I mean, I feel like going to a dance AFTER you graduate high school is one thing (one immature and useless thing) but going to a dance for a school you NEVER went to AND have already graduated...is a complete other. Not to mention when you're short on cash (a ticket is $30. Plus an outfit +/- $60. Plus food +/- $15.)...
I don't know. I guess I had hope that he was maturing a little more, getting his priorities on track. One of the main reasons I took a break with Billy is cause I felt like he needed to mature a little, so I guess when I thought I saw that little spark of him maturing... well I got excited. And now he's going back to his old ways of letting his friends walk all over him and not standing his ground with Robby.
It's just kinda disappointing.
The story:
Billy signed a contract for his band saying that they had to sell 60 tickets ($12 each, $720 total) or they couldn't play at the The Dreaming's CD Release party. Austin (guitarist) calls the Whiskey A Go Go and tells them it's too had to sell tickets. BAD IDEA! They told him that either you sell them or you owe them the money and they could take Billy to court. Hmmm. So Billy got furious because no one except him has ever had to sell tickets and that if his bandmates/friends didn't pull through for him this once, he wouldn't be their friends anymore. "Fuck them! I won't take this shit, I won't let them walk all over me anymore." he said, and for once... I thought I saw him standing his ground.
I was happy to hear him stand his ground. I mean, he's NEVER stood his ground with Robby. Ever. Like seriously, he's a real pushover to this jerk. And I don't see why. So this time it actually seemed like he would and I was happy for him (I mean it was about time!).
But tonight he missed a call from Robby and called him back, I was fine with it- I thought it would be a short convo since Billy was apparently "mad" at him. But no. Half an hour later goes by and I'm sitting there freezing my ass off in his car, listening to Robby spoon-feed Billy all flavors of bullshit. THEN he asks Billy if he's going to Winter Ball (for PD, mind you. And he had told me he wasn't going and didn't care about it) .....and he says 'Yeah.'
Hahaha. Wow. This kind of irritated me cause we'd talked about it and I guess I got the idea he wasn't going to go. I mean, I feel like going to a dance AFTER you graduate high school is one thing (one immature and useless thing) but going to a dance for a school you NEVER went to AND have already graduated...is a complete other. Not to mention when you're short on cash (a ticket is $30. Plus an outfit +/- $60. Plus food +/- $15.)...
I don't know. I guess I had hope that he was maturing a little more, getting his priorities on track. One of the main reasons I took a break with Billy is cause I felt like he needed to mature a little, so I guess when I thought I saw that little spark of him maturing... well I got excited. And now he's going back to his old ways of letting his friends walk all over him and not standing his ground with Robby.
It's just kinda disappointing.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Hope?
Up until this point I didn't really think there was much hope left for Billy and I to be together. Ever.
I strongly dislike one of his friends... to the point at which I can't even stand to be around him. That's a lot of dislike coming from me- I have virtually no enemies (for good reason) and I don't hate anyone (also for good reason)...so when I don't like someone to such a degree...it is ALWAYS FOR. GOOD. REASON.
I could write a book about this person and about how I loathe his representation of himself as a person and everything he stands for.. and how often he had taken advantage of, disrespected, and been mean to me. But what good would it do?
Anyhow. A friend of mine today kind of 'showed me the light' so to speak- I have two choices in this situation with Billy and there's no escaping it: 1) accept the fact that this friend will be in the situation (and maybe even give him a taste of his own medicine) or 2) move on. While both choices really kind of SUCK, it's really all that's going to happen because I will not ask/tell Billy to stop being friends with anyone, ever... and Billy's not going to. Soooo.
While my friend did help me see this, this person also said that Billy's friend had good right to be mad at me because I took some of Billy's time away from his friends. This is ridiculous. ANY relationship will take time away from friends! Not in a bad way, it is simply because the time is redistributed. Billy wasn't ever FORCED to be with me, or to talk to me or call me or anything of this. He made his own decisions. sure we spent a lot of time together, but it was never one-sided. As far as I am aware of, we BOTH wanted to be with each other when we were together. And because this friend had a problem with it? Not my fault, he should have said something as far as I'm concerned and we could have dealt with it then. I'm sure he's quite happy now that he's got Billy all to himself. Hah.
I, on the other hand, have completely justifiable reasons for being mad at Billy's friend. No I'm not going to list them (there's too many) but like i said: shown disrespect to me (with no provocation or motive), been rude to (again, no provocation), has taken advantage of me multiple times (no, not sexually).
SO! If Billy and I decide to get together, I am going to learn to deal with the asshole he calls his friend. No, I will NEVER like this person or have respect for this person, but if I want to be with Billy I may have to deal with it.
That was my little rant. I think I'm done. :)
I strongly dislike one of his friends... to the point at which I can't even stand to be around him. That's a lot of dislike coming from me- I have virtually no enemies (for good reason) and I don't hate anyone (also for good reason)...so when I don't like someone to such a degree...it is ALWAYS FOR. GOOD. REASON.
I could write a book about this person and about how I loathe his representation of himself as a person and everything he stands for.. and how often he had taken advantage of, disrespected, and been mean to me. But what good would it do?
Anyhow. A friend of mine today kind of 'showed me the light' so to speak- I have two choices in this situation with Billy and there's no escaping it: 1) accept the fact that this friend will be in the situation (and maybe even give him a taste of his own medicine) or 2) move on. While both choices really kind of SUCK, it's really all that's going to happen because I will not ask/tell Billy to stop being friends with anyone, ever... and Billy's not going to. Soooo.
While my friend did help me see this, this person also said that Billy's friend had good right to be mad at me because I took some of Billy's time away from his friends. This is ridiculous. ANY relationship will take time away from friends! Not in a bad way, it is simply because the time is redistributed. Billy wasn't ever FORCED to be with me, or to talk to me or call me or anything of this. He made his own decisions. sure we spent a lot of time together, but it was never one-sided. As far as I am aware of, we BOTH wanted to be with each other when we were together. And because this friend had a problem with it? Not my fault, he should have said something as far as I'm concerned and we could have dealt with it then. I'm sure he's quite happy now that he's got Billy all to himself. Hah.
I, on the other hand, have completely justifiable reasons for being mad at Billy's friend. No I'm not going to list them (there's too many) but like i said: shown disrespect to me (with no provocation or motive), been rude to (again, no provocation), has taken advantage of me multiple times (no, not sexually).
SO! If Billy and I decide to get together, I am going to learn to deal with the asshole he calls his friend. No, I will NEVER like this person or have respect for this person, but if I want to be with Billy I may have to deal with it.
That was my little rant. I think I'm done. :)
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Thoughts In Short
I think in similes and metaphors, though I can hardly ever spell 'similes' right the first time I write it.
I'm sick of trying! I have tried and tried constantly and I feel it's unfair you are asking me to try more. I shouldn't be trying, HE should be the one making the effort!
I know you would pick your best friend over me. It makes me question my worth to you, since your best friend is a disrespectful asshole.
One of my close friends wants me to come up and visit him in Santa Barbara.
That's far, I don't know about that.
I need a new job- I love the work environment of Hollister... but I don't get enough hours and it just doesn't pay enough.
I don't know if it's really worth it.
I can't believe he would ask me about moving into that house that WE were going to move into. Ugh.
People don't care. They are not respectful and they are not aware of what they say and do to people.
I wish people cared, cause I do.
I am sick of going the extra mile for people who won't do the same for me.
Especially for people who don't deserve it.
Songs I'm listening to lately:
'Unfair' by Josh Kelley
'What'cha Got 2 Lose' by Blake Lewis
'The Kill' by 30 Seconds To Mars
and more. But I can't think of them.
Oh and I really like my new nail color.
That's all for today.
I'm sick of trying! I have tried and tried constantly and I feel it's unfair you are asking me to try more. I shouldn't be trying, HE should be the one making the effort!
I know you would pick your best friend over me. It makes me question my worth to you, since your best friend is a disrespectful asshole.
One of my close friends wants me to come up and visit him in Santa Barbara.
That's far, I don't know about that.
I need a new job- I love the work environment of Hollister... but I don't get enough hours and it just doesn't pay enough.
I don't know if it's really worth it.
I can't believe he would ask me about moving into that house that WE were going to move into. Ugh.
People don't care. They are not respectful and they are not aware of what they say and do to people.
I wish people cared, cause I do.
I am sick of going the extra mile for people who won't do the same for me.
Especially for people who don't deserve it.
Songs I'm listening to lately:
'Unfair' by Josh Kelley
'What'cha Got 2 Lose' by Blake Lewis
'The Kill' by 30 Seconds To Mars
and more. But I can't think of them.
Oh and I really like my new nail color.
That's all for today.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Update!
Wow. It has been so very long since I last posted here. So much has changed, so I'm going to try to sum it all up as quickly as possible so we can get to the NOW.
-Alex and I broke up.
-I started dating Billy a week later.
-I just recently (three days ago) broke up with Billy.
Some other things that have changed that don't have to do with my love life are...
-I'm attending College of the Desert.
-I'm working at Hollister Co.
-I'm working on my New Year's Resolutions (lose weight, gain a life).
-Alex and I broke up.
-I started dating Billy a week later.
-I just recently (three days ago) broke up with Billy.
Some other things that have changed that don't have to do with my love life are...
-I'm attending College of the Desert.
-I'm working at Hollister Co.
-I'm working on my New Year's Resolutions (lose weight, gain a life).
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